From: "Joey Lindstrom" To: "editor@telecom-digest.org" Date: Mon, 19 May 2003 20:48:11 -0600 Read this first or as you listen to the Gary_Numan.mp3 file. ==================BEGIN FORWARDED MESSAGE================== When I'm not busy filtering spam, I moderate the "Gary Numan Digest", a mailing list for fans of the British singer/songwriter (y'all remember "Cars", right?) Anyways, I recently posted to the Gary Numan Digest explaining to everyone that I had now installed SpamAssassin on the server. Well, one wag pointed out that Gary Numan had released a song in 1982 Called "I, Assassin", and to call attention to the similarity, "sang" a verse of the song, replacing "I, Assassin, I am" with "Spam Assassin, I Am". One thing led to another and... well... ok, it's a groaner, but also mildly amusing. :-) ORIGINAL LYRICS =============== We are assassins We are not evil We act with reason and heart Your heart We are not vicious Is that surprising? We're so much larger than life I, Assassin, I am I, Assassin, I am "I just arrived Something to fix This new depression" We are not hunters We are just patient We'll wait a lifetime for you Just you I've never felt good I've never felt bad I've never felt much at all I, Assassin, I am I, Assassin, I am "There's nothing personal Just read the papers That's real" NEW LYRICS ========== We're Spam Assassins We are not evil We clean the junk from your mail Your mail We are not vicious Is that surprising? We filter con jobs and porn Spam Assassin, I am Spam Assassin, I am "Spam just arrived! Something to fix This new pestilence" We're not spam hunters We are just patient We filter con jobs and porn For you I've filtered evil I've filtered "free" deals I've filtered "make money now" Spam Assassin, I am Spam Assassin, I am "There's nothing personal Just read the headers That's fake" Any musicians out there? Maybe we could cut a hit single... :-) (If anyone would like to hear the original, I can email a low-bitrate MP3, just drop me a line.) / From the desk of Joey Lindstrom / / One day I got on the usual bus, and when I stepped in, I saw the most / gorgeous blond Chinese girl... I sat beside her. I said, "Hi," and she / said, "Hi," and then I said, "Nice day, isn't it?," And she said, "I saw / my analyst today and he says I have a problem." So I asked, "What's the / problem?" She replied, "I can't tell you. I don't even know you..." I / said, "Well sometimes it's good to tell your problems to a perfect / stranger on a bus." So she said, "Well, my analyst said I'm a / nymphomaniac and I only like Jewish cowboys... By the way, my name is / Denise." I said, "Hello, Denise. My name is Bucky Goldstein..." / --Steven Wright ===================END FORWARDED MESSAGE=================== / From the desk of Joey Lindstrom / / My friend Sally is a nudist. I went to her house. The closets have no / doors. The walls are covered with see-through wallpaper. / --Steven Wright